Thursday, 31 January 2013

School issues... or home issues?

I've been planning all week to write a positive post, lots of positive things going on...a party with only one bad night afterwards, general calm down in behaviour, new agreement between M & myself about dealing with certain aspects of behaviour, just lots of positives....

Except nursery school blow all that away today. I thought everything there was going fine, that although we'd had some issues at home, it was all fine. I thought he was holding it together, yes we'd had a few episodes of him getting into the car and bursting into tears, but I did think that was just release.

Turns out... not so!

When I arrived to pick him up today, he was chewing on a piece of sellotape (yes, I know not ideal, but it happens). One of the staff noticed, looked at me and apologised, I just pointed out that the cuff on his coat is now missing some material... where he has been chewing. This then launched into a discussion about what else he had chewed in the last couple of weeks; toys, sand, playdough, more toys, magnets, more toys....

And I only found out about this now?

Or at least that is what I wanted to scream.

The fact that he is chewing is telling me that something is wrong, he is unsettled. He's not bad at home at the minute, his childminder would have said if he was chewing more than normal at her's. But they didn't tell me, because...wait for it... it's a good one....

'We know it's something he does, so we weren't concerned!'

I just said something about him been unsettled, and said I'd send his chewy in with him. Sadly it's too big for his pocket; so will have to be in his bag, which they may not remember... even the staff admitted that.

I've been internet shopping tonight and brought him a couple of new smaller chews; one on a lanyard and one on a clip on.

But I still can't get my head around the fact, that because they knew that he chewed things, they weren't concerned enough to tell me. I have to try to unpick with boy-o exactly what is making him wobbly at school. And that's tough with a nearly 4 year old, with the emotional intelligence of a slightly younger child.

As it's not happening at home, or the childminders, I have to assume it's something at school. But equally he knows that we are looking into the possibility of adopting again, and I don't know whether that is bothering him - I did start there, and say
'you remember E had a new sister last year'
'yes, A'
'did anyone have to leave Auntie R's house when A arrived?'
'no, just got a new sister'
'and if we have a new sister or brother, no-one will have to leave here'
'no one go'

So he understands that - I think and hope.

But it does leave me racking my brains... think I may need appointment to talk to his teacher soon! And I did think things were going ok...


Vicki Theboysbehaviour said...

I think you definitely need to talk to his teacher.
You need to know things like this - the trouble for them is knowing what's relevant, I know Mini's school aren't great at sharing potential triggers, because they just don't know what they are.

Well done on the sibling work though...sounds like you're doing brilliant preparation.

Thanks for linking up to The Weekly Adoption Shout-Out

DrSpouse said...

I wonder though if it's more common than you realise in this age? I don't actually know, but the nursery teachers may see it a lot so it doesn't worry them.
Baby Spouse sucks his sleeve and has done since birth, it's too early to say if he'll carry on but I wouldn't be surprised if he came back to it occasionally in times of stress when older. So forhim it's not a new behaviour in response to anything - it's one of "his" things.

Sarah Hill said...

School can be such a stressful environment for our children and it is sometimes very difficult to identify what the triggers are, especially when your child is young and unable to tell you. I would definitely set up a meeting with school and try and get a good dialogue going as early as possible about what you need them to be telling you and sharing with them things you think will help. Keep us posted.
Thanks for linking with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out