Imagine you are 27 years old, you asked your girlfriend to marry you and are busy planning your wedding in 5 months time. Imagine that you start feeling a little unwell, and discover some odd lumps. You go to your GP expecting to be told not to be so silly.
Imagine hearing that you have to have some tests, that it might be cancer. Imagine having those tests and finding out you have lymphoma. But you don't worry, because actually, you are young and healthy and the chemotherapy will work - it always does, doesn't it? But you decide to postpone your wedding, because you don't want to get married with no hair.
Imagine a few months down the line, hearing that the chemotherapy hasn't worked. That you have to have another course of chemotherapy - but it's okay because it'll all be over with before your postponed wedding. And then it isn't, and you're not getting better. And the second course of chemotherapy doesn't work.
And the doctors start looking for a bone marrow donor. And talking radiotherapy. And this starts happening at a hospital that is an hour away from your home. And a bone marrow donor is found, but you have an infection when you should be having the transplant, but the bone marrow is taken out of the donor and frozen. You get better from your infection, you have the bone marrow transplant... and it doesn't work.
And the doctors start talking about next. And you still have hope because they do. And then... and then... you get an infection you can't fight. And you go into hospital... and you don't come out. And you are no more.
My friend has lost her fiancee today. He was a good man, a really nice, gentle, happy, positive man. And she was always hopeful, never let him see her upset or worried.
I feel so sorry - and I am so upset. He's story is woven with ours as he found out about the lymphoma in the weeks after boy-o was placed. She was the first person from school to meet boy-o as she called in on her way to the hospital.
And... and.. and... I can't let myself dwell... but we know due to boy-o's birth mother he is at slightly higher than normal risk of leukaemia and lymphoma. And most of the time, we forget and don't worry. But on a day like today, I can't help but worry. Because a precious man has died today.
Again - some old writings about our adoption journey. I hope that I am explaining the process so that anyone can understand what we've been through; and what the process is...
In Feb 2011 we went to matching panel; my post from that day simply says 'Hurrah.... we're going to be parents! Now to wait to meet our son...'. Because of some ot the sensitive detail that was discussed in panel, I'm not going to repeat what was said, it's not part of our story, but part of the boy's story..not mine to share.
A week later, we started introductions - and that week was hard. It coinsided with half term, which meant I had nore time that I needed to think and deal on things. However, I seem to have filled it okay, spending time with my friends. What followed was two weeks of closely planned (but intense) time with our son.
We went to the adoption agency offices this morning to plan out the next
couple of weeks. We had some formal stuff to go through, and promises
of reports and life story book came from boy-o's social worker, but both
us and his foster mum wonder whether it will actually happen. We have
planned our meetings with boy-o until next Tues. We are
having a review meeting next Tues, and then will plan from that point!
done that this morning, this afternoon we actually meet our boy. He
started off shy, and not at all happy, but gradually he started to come
round a bit. After about 20mins, he ended up looking at the book I made
whilst sitting on my lap - which I have to say was a truly amazing
experience, not having a little boy sitting on my lap, but the fact that
this is our little son.
We built towers of stacking cups and
knocked them down. He spent time emptying my handbag. He spent time with
M, again sitting on his lap looking at the book, but also playing with
other toys. We looked at the photo of our dog, and decided that dogs go
We got to spend more time with boy-o today. We went across this morning,
and played for a couple of hours with him. He was more confident today,
and although went to foster dad when we went in, he very soon came to
see us, and emptied my handbag again.
We've had his toy box
emptied all over the floor today, and played with all sorts of things
that he has. He also emptied the other little boy's toy box, and climbed
in and on. He wants to explore and is full of confidence, but isn't
dangerous with it. Having said that, M and I both wonder how long it
will be before he ends up at A&E with broken bones.
had a morning to ourselves - which we filled with exciting activities
such as going to the bank to talk about the mortgage, cleaning the fish
tank, as well as doing all the usual fun stuff like walking the dog!
headed to the foster carers after lunch. I got boy up from his nap,
and he didn't protest at all. He was a little jittery, but apparently
he's always that way. He came downstairs with me, saw his foster carer,
and wanted to sit with her for a minute, but that's all it took before
he came to us.
We played the afternoon away, and had a lovely
time. When he was told 'no' he burst into a world-ending cry! When his
foster mum said 'no' he came to me, when I said 'no' he went to his
We stayed through tea and bath. I feed him his tea,
which he eat really well. Then he played for a little longer - manic half hour is how his foster carer describes it. Then he had his
bath, which we observed, and played with him for a bit in the bath. When
he was ready for bed, we left for this evening, because we'd spent a
lot of time together, he was tired and we thought he'd settle better for
his foster carer.
Next Two Days
we went just after breakfast and stopped through lunch. Boy didn't
want to go down for his nap, and therefore we ended up stopping longer.
When we arrived he was looking out of the window and waved at us. When
we left we got hugs!
Today, we went late afternoon, played, feed
him tea, and gave him his bath. We got him ready for bed; although his
foster mum put him to bed. He came to us as soon as we arrived, and
wouldn't let the other toddler who is being fostered there come anywhere
near us. He is starting to realised that we are his, and he is ours.
Sat - we took boy out with his foster mum and other foslings to the
soft play centre in the morning... he had loads of fun sliding, and
climbing and chasing. Lunch there then walk back with all children in
pushchairs for a nap.... After the nap, we stayed, we played we did tea,
and put him to bed with foster mum.
Sun - we took boy out for
our first solo visit. Ended up at local countryside estate, fed ducks,
did some walking, played on swings and slides. We had a picnic; then
took him back to his foster carers for lunch.
Mon - was supposed
to be a day out.... morning was fine, but after lunch we decided to go
for ride in car, as we couldn't go for walk in the area that we were in.
Boy slept for about 45 mins, before waking up and throwing up all
over the carseat and his clothes. We headed straight back to foster
carers - once we'd cleaned him up. He threw up twice more on the way
back. We took him in, got him cleaned up. Then he sat quietly for a hour
or so, before perking up a little. We don't know if it was car sickness
or a virus. He didn't sleep well last night, but was okay today.
was busy - we got him up this morning, gave him breakfast, had first
social worker visit of the day. Followed this with walk into town for
speech therapy (which he is now signed off from). Home, for lunch and
nap - during which we had second social worker visit of the day (to
arrange rest of intros). Following that we went to a park and played on
swings for a little while - but had to get back for nurse to visit to
get update on him. Following that, tea, play and bed.
First Visit to home
spent an hour playing and looking over the house, and then back to the
fosterers for lunch and a nap. Boy was a little unsure about our dog,
infact on first meeting he screamed!
The following day we went
and picked up boy and his foster mum mid morning, and brought them
back to our house. We played a bit, fed him lunch, put him to bed for a
nap (and held our breaths). He went down with only one re-visit, but
there really was a lot of breath holding and sitting on the edge of
seats. When we were all convinced he'd gone, M took foster mum home!
When boy woke up we walked the dog, played, had tea and gave him a
bath, all before taking him back to foster carers.
The next day
the foster carers had a party for him, so that their family and friends
could say goodbye to him. We have photos - they had a good time. And as
it's his birthday this coming week - he got presents.
we went to pick him up in the morning, and spent the day at our house.
Again we got him ready for bed before taking him back to his foster
carers... then today we picked him up for the last time, he's asleep
upstairs in his cot right now (it's 7.45pm)!
His foster carers
gave us a pile of things yesterday, we have his memory box with all
sorts of firsts in it; both from them, his previous foster carers and
his birth family. There are all his first birthday cards in there... we
will have to get another box to put his adoption cards and his second
birthday cards in. I spent time yesterday evening, labelling who gave
him what in the box, and who different people are (because I will
forget). We got a USB stick full of photos, we've got his first shoes.
We decided we needed to do
more than the nice photo frame that we'd brought. So we hunted down a
Will.owtree Figure called 'heart of gold' which is a little boy holding a
golden heart! We gave them that yesterday evening as well. It meant
this morning, we could get in and out fast; we were all nearly in tears,
but couldn't let boy see that!
The next instalment in our adoption story, for National Adoption Week 2012. And just to make this clear... this is my and my husband's story, there is information about the boy that I won't be sharing, but that we were told about.
So back in Oct 2010, we very first heard about our boy. But not in detail, just that we had been put forward for a child. The next stage was that his social worker had to read our report...this took a long time. And whilst we expected in that in a week or two we would hear more in the end it took until until December until we met his social worker.
In Mid November we met our social worker this week. She told us about a little boy, she went through his report. He's was a little younger
than we had been thinking - 20month. I remember before hearing about him, that we were determined to be hard about it, and think rationally whether he was the correct child for us. However, we went for a walk with our dog when our social worker left and both of us had an amazing feeling, that this was it, he was ours.
We eventually met his social worker in Dec; we talked about him, we asked our questions, she asked hers. She went away, and the next day contacted our social worker to say, that 'yes, she thought we would be suitable parents for this boy'
What followed was a series of meetings...
Foster Carers Jan 2011
We have spent 1hr30 with boy-o's foster parents today, and we got to
hear a lot more about him. We still feel very lucky, very blessed and as
if this is the child that is meant for us.
described as placid and easy going. He is however, lively, boisterous
and clumsy. He is very caring and will often run up to his foster
parents and give them a hug for no other reason than because he wants
to. He apparently cries when he doesn't get his own way. He has been known to hold his breathe
in annoyance, but his foster mother says she just ignores it and he
He sounds like a problem solver. He will work
something out, and just when his foster parent's think that they have
stopped him doing something he will figure out a way around it.
Apparently he loves fruit, and they have a fruit bowl in the middle of
their table; boy figured out that if he pulled the table cloth he
could get to the fruit bowl if he climbed on the chair.
presently attends Playgroup 3 times a week. He will have a go at
anything, and really enjoys being around adults and children. He loves
soft play centres, ball pools and slides. He has no real favourite toys,
or TV programmes. However, he does have some toys that he will bring
with him; which are his. His foster parent's have said that he will
bring clothes, toys, his sippy cup and plates and cutlery with him. He
has recently had some new shoes fitted, along with some boots.
is well attached to his foster carers, and doesn't like being left in
an unfamiliar situation. However, this could be because he has recently
seen two other foster children been moved on, including one that had
been in the home since boy-o arrived.
We met yesterday with the contact worker who supervised all boy-o's
visits with his birth mother and eldest brother and sister. It was a
useful experience, and we got some more photos including some of boy-o
with his brother and sister.
The contact supervisor
J.P. described boy-o as a lovely little boy, who is lively, mischievous
and happy go lucky. She also commented that his brother and sister are
nice natured. She doesn't think that boy-o has any attachment to his
family, and although he enjoyed the visits, he would have enjoyed them
if she'd sat and played with him for the time. He enjoyed being the
centre of attention.
JP said that contact had been a happy
time, shared within the family. Boy-o's birth mother was proud of his
achievements, and his brother and sister were protective over boy-o. For
example, when boy-o was learning to walk and kept toppling over his
brother would rush over and pick him up. Boy's birth mother was proud
when he managed to walk without problems.
I didn't blog about this one, because there was a lot of information to take on, and it's part of his story not ours.
Continuing with the re-running of old posts for National adoption week 2012, these were written in Oct 2009.
Tomorrow is our big day... approval panel.
We have to wait until 2.45 to met our social worker, who should have some questions for us.
We go into panel at 3.00.
I keep trying to remind myself that if there was any doubt our social worker wouldn't have let us get to panel.
But my mind freezes and I worry...
It'll soon be here, won't it?
We got a yes... how exciting - although actually it feels like a bit of anti - climax!
We got there at the time we had been told, expecting to be told that they were running late... which they weren't.
went into a meeting room and spoke with our SWs (both old and new) and
discussed the questions that we the panel had put together for us. There
was nothing unexpected it was as SW told us it would be.
15 mins, the vice-chair (chair of panel was absent) of panel came in
and introduced herself to us, and asked us to go into the room where
panel was sitting. The first thing that they did was introduced
themselves; there was; Vice Chair, Adoption Agency Representative, two
Minute Takers, an Adoptive Parent, Local City Councillor, Social Worker,
Adoptee, Medical Advisor and one more person whose job I can't
remember. Plus us and our two social workers.
chair talked for a bit about what they perceived our strengths to be,
and said that the report was a really good report. Then they got onto
the scary bit... asking questions - 7 in total... the first two are
1. Can you tell us about your experience of working with the Agency so far on your adoption assessment?
2. Can you tell us about the child or children that you can imagine in your family?
Could N update panel about how she is doing with regards to her weight?
(this was asked by medical advisor, who also explained that my medical
condition (PCOS) made this harder than it was far some others)
4. What impact do N and M feel placement of a child will impact upon their voluntary work?
5. Could M help panel understand his journey to adoption and what helped him to feel this would be OK?
6. Could M tell panel more about his particular interest in a boy?
7. What is the thinking about the age range of child M and N are wishing to consider?
were praised afterwards for being totally honest and our SWs were
really pleased with how we had answered the questions. Old SW had a
couple of comments to add after we'd given our answers, but they were
We went out and sat in the post-panel
waiting room. We'd just about got ourselves sat down and chatting when
the Vice-chair came in and said 'congratulations'. We talked a bit about
how well they thought we'd considered the differing aspects of adoption
and that the decision was unanimous. She left us to get ready for the
next panel, and we spent a little time chatting to our SWs about next.
next... next is waiting. New SW is coming next week to chat to us, and
bringing us some mocked up profiles so that she can see what sort of
child we are drawn to. We know that there will be no placement until
after x-mas, but we might (if we are lucky) hear about a child sometime
in the next couple of months.
How little we knew; we heard the following week that we had been put forward for a boy, that our details had been passed to a boy's social worker. Not just any boy, our boy.
This a re-run and cut down version of my home study posts... It'll probably still be too long.
Home Study Visit 1
We've met our social worker... and she seems nice. She arrived early
this morning, which I think is a positive sign, I'd hate to have been
waiting around for her.
Started off with general chit -
chat. We talked about the things that are involved in the home study,
and had to dig out passports, driving licences, birth and marriage
certificates to show her - luckily we could lay our hands on them
We talked about how we had found the
prep group, and what else we'd like more information about. We talked
about the reading that I've been doing and what she suggested a couple
more books to look at, Primal Wound and Theraplay,
both of which I've looked at, but the library doesn't have and they're
not cheap! We discussed the birth mother and the adopted adult (not
related) that we met on the prep course and how their stories had
We talked about the child/ren
that we would like to adopt. She seemed delighted that we didn't
necessarily want a tiny baby and the fact that we had rationalised this
out. Our argument is that we can't actually have a baby, adoption (from
foster care) is different, and therefore we want to acknowledge the
difference rather than hide it. We talked about birth families, and that
there will always be a child shaped hole in the birth family, and a
birth family shaped hole in the child/ren's lives.
Home Study Visit 2
We had another meeting with our social worker this morning. I still
think that she is nice and knows her job really well. We spent some time
doing general chit-chat and then moved onto our family trees/history.
started with his and looked at grandparents, aunts & uncles,
cousins and children of. The idea is that as well as sharing your family
tree that we share our memories of the people, and how important they
were when growing up and how important they are now. This lets the
social worker know about your family life and what things were like
growing up for you.
We spoke about his parent's and his
sister (and her family) and how they have reacted to the news of us
wanting to adopt. We talked about his mum's nervousness about it, but SW
seemed really understanding of the difficulties that you can have with
potential grandparents. We talked about our nieces and how much we have
to do with them.
Home Study Visit 3
In our home study visit
today we finished off talking about my family, which took most of the 2
hours!!!! I got to talk about how my parents met, and what it was like
growing up with them and my brother and sister. I got to talk about how
my brother's issues effected life (ADHD and dyslexic). I got to talk
about my relationship with my sister; and how that has effected me over
started talking about education - which will be picked up next week. M
and I have very different stories when it comes to schooling. I went to
lots of primary schools, a fee paying secondary school followed by a
state secondary school. Michael went to 3 schools - a first, a middle
and an upper school. All within walking distance of his home - in fact
all within walking distance of our home - although the first and middle
school are now primary schools!
Home Study Visit 4
In today's visit we talked about our education, finishing off from
last week. And then we talked about employment; what jobs we had, why
we'd done different jobs. And we talked generally about the future, what
we planned to do when a child/ren are placed with us, and how we would
cope financially. We also started to talk about how we might cope
emotionally. Home Study Visit 5
Today's meeting went well, but it turned into the the one I was
dreading. We started off with talents, interests and personality. We
talked about our relationship, how we met (car crash!), how we got
together, how we deal with stress, decision making etc. And then we
turned to our route to adoption!
We spent a long while
talking about infertility and how that has effected us and how we dealt
with it. We talked about the fact that M is aware that sometimes i need
him to listen to me rant not be a man and 'fix it'. We talked about what
our options were, and why we decided against them. We spent time
talking about the emotional impact of the IVF/ICSI cycles. We talked
about miscarriage and what an awful time it was. Several things were
mentioned and I was struggling with answering questions and the whole 7
years has turned my memory to mush.
Home Study Visit 6
When the social worker visited last, we looked mostly at our
support network (our Ecomap). We spent a lot of time talking about who
would give us what support, emotional, physical, and care. We spent time
talking about friends, who we would phone and wouldn't say 'well you
wanted to adopt' but instead say helpful things. We talked about which
friends we would be happy to meet with a child who may be disruptive. We
talked a lot about who would bolster us up, and who wouldn't
about therapeutic parenting. We talked again about our hopes and fears - it's telling that
more of our fears are focused on the process now. She also had a look
around our house.
This week it's individual visits, and
referee visits. M has had his visit, as has our first referee - who
described me as a stick of rock with 'mother' written all the way
through. I think I'm grateful.
Home Study Visit 7
Today we spoke about what we found out when
we visited the adopters, and what we thought about that. We then went
onto what is possibly the worst thing so far, although we were expected
it. We looked at some children's profiles and discussed what different
terms meant. We started to think about what we could cope with.
She has left us with some more profiles to study, an old copy of Be my Parent
and some information about children that she has worked for. Next week
we will look in detail at the list of issues that we can deal with, or
not, or deal with in a limited way - i.e. we would need more information
about that issue before taking a decision about a child. It's a horrid
thing to have to do - but we have to be realistic.
I haven't recorded anything about that last visit - but it was purely about discussing what we could and couldn't deal with... with some explanation from us and some from our SW.
We turned up to be met by 3 social workers,
usually it would only be 2 but one is attending for the experience as
she is new to the agency. There are 9 of us on the course - 4 couples
(including us) and 1 single women. The single women has a birth child as
does one of the couples. I think the other 2 couples are like us -
without any birth children. We have been told that we will have the
opportunity to learn more about our paths to adoption on Friday.
we started - following the usual speech about fire escapes, toilets,
drinks, and general other stuff - we had to find out 4 facts about
someone else, and introduce them to the group. I was paired with another teacher, we
talked about teaching; our schools; where we live; his birth son. I was
then able to introduce him to the rest of the group - although we did
get side tracked from the job talking about teaching...
everyone had introduced someone else we watched a video about the
process of adoption. It was a department of health video, which is about
8 years old. It showed a cross section of people, and they talked about
their experience of the process. The preparation course, the home study
(and their social workers), approval panel and then matching. I think
the key thing I picked up from this - which was more reinforcement than
anything else was the fact that your social worker gets to really know
you, all the things that you don't normally talk about - you will have
We talked as a group about our hopes and fears about
adoption. It was reassuring that we all had similar fears - about the
process, about the issues an adopted child might have, attachment to an
adopted child, but equally similar hopes - to feel complete as a family
and learn how to be a 'good enough' parent. M commented that he feels
less isolated with worries now.
We discussed the importance of
names; how different people got their names; why names mean so much;
the fact that often a name is the only thing that an adopted child may
get from their birth family and how our names make us individual.
We talked about why children need adopting... not going to repeat that list here at the moment!
finished with a questionnaire - with lots of facts and figures. In some
respects M and I knew enough - but there were things that I didn't
know. Things like how many children waiting for adoption are part of
sibling groups (55% in the UK).
A full day today, which was a little more over whelming, and I need some
time to think and reflect! For the moment - what was talked about...
Adoption Circle. We talked about how the birth parents, child and
adoptive parents are interlinked. We talked about the losses and gains
involved in adoption. We looked at those life-long losses for everybody
involved. And the fact that there are few (if any) gains for the birth
parents in adoption.
After a break we settled down to listen to one of the
social workers tell us the story of a family that he was involved with
for 10 years. He represented each person in the story with plastic
figures - and there was a table full by the time he had finished.
afternoon we had a birth mother come and speak to us. She was amazing,
her story was really emotionally, and she was honest and open.
finished up the day by looking at letterbox contact letters. We broke
into three groups and each group was assigned a person (birth parent,
child, adoptive parent) and we had to think about what we would want to
receive and what we would write. I was in the birth parent group - which
was really hard, it was hard to think what to write, we knew what we
wanted to hear, but what to actually write. I understand now how hard
birth parents find the task!
Another full day today, and one full of emotional and negativity.
morning we had a social worker speak to us about attachment, she is
also an adoptive parent, and because of her difficulties she decided she
needed to know more about the issue of attachment.
off looking at a wall of needs, and how if some of the top bricks are
missing a person can cope, but if the needs of an infant are not met how
it's impossible to build a proper wall. I think this link - adoption UK the Wall shows it really well.
looked at the circle of need - how most children have a need, protest,
the need is met and then they relax. We talked about how some children
have a need, protest, nothing happens, so they protest more and
eventually give up - or may have response given in anger. How this can
result in a negative view of the world - I am not okay, adults are not
okay and the world is not okay.
We discussed the effects of poor
attachment, we talked about avoidant, ambivalent and disorganised
children. We talked about what we as adoptive parents we can start to do
about it to help children. We briefly touched on the need for children
to possibly regress and about theraplay and other types of therapy. The
importance of trying to get those early missing bricks in place.
afternoon was about abuse. The different types, what that actually
means (examples) and the effects of abuse. The long term effects.
also had a visit from a foster carer. She talked about the children
that she has fostered - both the good and bad. She described how as a
family they become attached to foster children, but when she hears that a
child has a 'forever family' she starts to detach. She talked about how
she prepares a child for adoption. How she takes photo and photo and
collects everything to pass on to a child's forever family. How excited
she feels when she hears that a child has a new permanent home.
started by looking at our support networks - we were given large pieces
of paper, and asked to do a diagram of our support networks, including
family and friends, but using the thickness of lines to signify the
amount of support that would be given. It was an interesting start to
the process, although it will need refining and sorting! We were warned
that we won't get the support from some people that we think we will,
and that others will be added to the mix.
We then had a talk from
an adoptive parent. They adopted 2 girls, one aged 20 months and one
aged 5 1/2 years. This happened 3 years ago. She talked about the
different characters that her girls are, and how hard sometimes it is to
judge what behaviours are happening due to adoption. She told us about
the issues that they have had, and what problems they have encountered.
the afternoon we talked about identify - and how important it is. We
did two exercises linked to it, but one was a lot more effective than
the other. We were asked for memories, from whenever, and whatever. One
social worker wrote them all on the board, and whilst someone was
speaking the other social worker, ripped them down, and ripped the paper
and screwed it up. It was then impossible to smooth out. This was then
related to the fact that adopted children will have memories, and that
we won't be able to smooth them all out, but how important it is to stay
in contact (no matter how little) with the birth family, so we can ask
questions. Our memories are built with help of our families, saying 'do
you remember when?' adopted children won't have that about their early
We also listened to a post adoption support worker, who
told us about all the work that our agency do after adoption. Things
like a stay and play group for adopted children and parents only. Things
like offering phone support. Putting people in contact with CAHMS and
We had a talk from an adoptee.
She is 23 now, and was totally honest with us. She said that her mum
and dad are her mum and dad - she has met her birth mum, and her birth
siblings, but the people who brought her up, are her parents.
described the problems that she had at school with anger, and not being
able to trust. She says she still finds it difficult to trust.
contacted her birth mum when she was 18. She says that she was too
young, but even if she'd been told to wait, she wouldn't have. She seems
to have a lot of anger towards her birth mum
- that she wasn't able to sort her life out in order to keep her. That
even now her mum is lying about why she was taken into care. That she
would have nothing to do with her birth mum apart from she wants a relationship with her siblings.
says that her parents were fantastic. That there is nothing that she
wishes they had done differently. That she always knew she was adopted,
and that her parents were always totally honest with her (in an age
appropriate way). That her parents were there for her, and supported her
no matter what. In fact, that was her top tip: be honest and be there!
her story was really really interesting. She was absolutely positive
about adoption - even though there were things that she has done wrong,
it's not because of the adoption.
Originally posted in June 2009 - after our attendance at the adoption agency information evening.
I wonder if sometime in the future whether Wednesday 17th June 2009 will be forgotten or whether it is a date that M and I will remember forever.
went to the local adoption agency information evening (we went before
in Nov) and had a good long chat to adoptive parents who have been
through the process. We also had a good talk to a social worker (SW),
and came away with a registration form to fill in. Not to think about
filling in, but to actually fill in.
We talked through the
process with the SW and M got to understand more about the process -
I've already done quite a bit of research. But we also got to ask
questions and have an informal talk. The SW filled in a basic form, who
we are, why we want to adopt, what sort of child/children we want to
adopt, and what experience we have of children.
We've both always
imagined having 2 children - I don't think we would have 3 because I am
a middle child of 3, and I have severe middle child tendencies
that it has taken me years to come to terms with. But we talked about
adopting a sibling group (or should that be pair). We talked about
learning difficulties - to which I said it would depend on the child and
situation. And we talked about 'not babies'.
We went to the pub
on the way home, to sit and reflect. And M said perhaps we should
consider adopting a 3 or 4 year old, because we aren't getting 'our'
baby, and this won't replace 'our' baby, but we will build our family.
And the more I turn the thought over in my head, the more it makes
sense. I don't know if I can explain it any better than 'it feels right'
to be talking about adopting a child not a baby.
"My story is important not because it is mine, God knows, but because if I tell it anything like right, the chances are you will recognize that in many ways it is also yours. Maybe nothing is more important than that we keep track, you and I, of these stories of who we are and where we have come from and the people we have met along the way because it is precisely through these stories, in all their particularity, as I have long believed and often said, that God makes himself known to each of us most powerfully and personally."
Welcome to my blog - it's my pathway to sanity!
I have PCOS and Endo. We ttc for 7 years and endured treatments like Clomid, Met and IVF and ICSI. After 7 years of fighting to become pregnant, we decided to follow the adoption path. Having been approved to adopt in Oct 2010, our son boy-o was placed with us in Mar 2011 - follow us on our ongoing journey...