I've been sitting looking at the bits in this photo for days; I cleaned my fridge out earlier this week, and I knew that these were in there, but I had become blind to them. But it seems fitting to take a photo, before I dispose of them. The end of one chapter, the start of another.
The injectables that I haven't yet got rid off - 7 years of infertility, 7 IVF/ICSI cycles reduced to 2 preloaded syringes of Orgalutran, 1 Puregon pen with some Puregon still inside it and 2 needles and finally 1 ampule of Pregnyl (hCg trigger shot) that I didn't use. It's not very much to represent so much heart ache and so many tears.
And I know it's not a clear picture - but taking it reduced me to tears. Because even though I know that we are doing the right thing by moving on to adoption, I am still sad that I will never, ever get to be pregnant. One of those things that you take for granted growing up - that you will get pregnant and have children - won't ever come true for me. And I've had plenty of people tell me that pregnancy isn't so great - but I would have liked the opportunity to find that out for myself.
I will take them to the hospital next time I go, and ask them to dispose of them. Clearing the infertility drugs from my fridge seems like such a huge step for such a tiny job. But they will go and I will re-focus on the path in front of me.
Don't forget to visit Mel's to see who else is taking part in Show-And-Tell this week.
#MicroblogMondays 148: Alice
4 hours ago