Wednesday, 13 May 2009

I know but do you?

I know I’m difficult to deal with. I know that my infertility has changed me beyond anything I could have imagined. I know that I come across as angry and bitter. I know I don’t smile like I used to. I know that I push my friends away because I can’t help myself.


Do you know that sometimes it would be good to hear ‘it’s okay’ when I’ve cried?

Do you know that sometimes it would be nice to hear ‘I care about you and think you’re doing okay’ when it feels like the world is against me?

Do you know that even when you don't want to hurt me by asking how I am doing, it would be good to hear 'how are you'? Because sometimes this feels incredibly lonely.

Do you know that sometimes a simple smile would make me feel like you appreciate my pain?

Do you know that sometimes in the blackest minutes a hand reached out in friendship is all that’s needed?

Do you know that I don’t want to constantly think about my problems, and sometimes dealing with other people’s, lessens the pain?

Do you know that just because some days I can’t laugh, I still need laughter around me?

Do you know just because I’m scared that my life won’t work out how I planned it, I am not incapable of dealing with my friend’s lives? That it hurts more when I am left out?

Do you know that sometimes sitting and crying with someone can bring about smiles and laughter?

Do you know that ignoring the problem, doesn’t make it go away and that I’d feel better if you’d acknowledge it – even if that is all you can do?

Do you know that the biggest thing that I’ve learnt on this journey are that the friends who stick around come rain and shine, are the ones that are worth fighting for?